My Number 1 Question for Healthy Boundaries in Any Relationship!
Introduction:
How many times have you said “yes” to something, only to feel completely drained, overwhelmed, or stressed later? For years, I did exactly that—piling on obligations, meeting everyone else’s expectations, and pushing myself to the brink of burnout... Then, I asked myself a question that completely changed the game:“Even though I may technically have the time, money, or ability, do I actually have the capacity for this?”
This question became my secret weapon for setting boundaries, protecting my peace, and showing up as the best version of myself. Here’s how it transformed my life—and how it can transform yours too.
The Moment I Knew Things Had to Change
It hit me when I started feeling guilty for choosing myself. If I prioritized what I needed over what others wanted from me, I felt like I was doing something wrong. That guilt? It was a huge red flag—a signal that my boundaries weren’t healthy.
Back then, I was overwhelmed by an unhealthy number of obligations. My stress levels were through the roof, and I found myself constantly battling burnout. Let me tell you—burnout is no joke. I knew something had to give.
What Does Capacity Really Mean?
For me, “capacity” is about more than just having the time or ability to do something. It’s about checking in with yourself to see if you have enough resources—whether that’s time, energy, money, or mental and emotional space—to give to someone or something while still keeping enough for yourself to stay healthy.
When I check in with myself, I ask:
Do I have the energy for this?
Does this fit into my financial priorities?
Does this align with my mental and emotional well-being?
Will this throw off my balance of productivity and self-care?
Does this take away time I need to spend with my husband and children?
If the answer is no—or if saying yes would mean depleting myself—I give myself permission to say no.
The Hard Truth About Boundaries
Here’s what I learned when I started setting boundaries: people who benefit from your unhealthy boundaries aren’t going to be thrilled about your new way of life. And that’s okay.
If someone cares more about what they’re getting from you than about your well-being, it’s a clear sign that the boundary is necessary. Their selfishness isn’t your problem, and it certainly shouldn’t dictate how you take care of yourself.
Setting boundaries allowed me to show up for myself without guilt or pressure. It helped me reach my goals faster and find a deeper sense of peace. Now, at 35, I’m living a semi-retired life that I never thought was possible.
How I Put This Into Practice
For me, it starts with asking the right questions (like the ones I listed above). I also keep an updated schedule or calendar to ensure I’m not overcommitting, and I always check to make sure nothing conflicts with my family’s needs before saying yes to anything.
It’s not about being perfect—it’s about being intentional.
Reflection Questions: Are You Ready to Protect Your Peace?
If you’re feeling overwhelmed or stretched too thin, start with these questions:
Am I saying yes to something because I truly want to or because I feel obligated?
What will this cost me in terms of time, energy, or peace?
Will saying yes leave me with enough resources (time, money, energy, etc.) to take care of myself?
How does this align with my priorities or values?
Am I honoring my own needs, or am I prioritizing someone else’s at my expense?
Closing Thoughts:
You don’t have to say yes to everything. You don’t have to meet everyone else’s expectations. Your peace, your well-being, and your capacity matter. The moment you start honoring that is the moment you reclaim your time, energy, and happiness.
So, ask yourself: Do I actually have the capacity for this? And if the answer is no, give yourself permission to choose you.

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