This past year, 2024, brought with it one of the most profound light-bulb moments of my life. As a therapist, I’ve always understood the core elements of healthy relationships: expressing vulnerability, sharing how someone’s actions have impacted you, and clearly stating what you’d like to see moving forward. I knew the theory. I lived it. I taught it. But what I realized this past year is where so many of us—myself included—get stuck: the aftermath.
The Hardest Part: Adjusting Accordingly
When you’re a therapist, you often see the ripple effects of decisions—both good and bad. This gives you a unique ability to foresee potential outcomes. And let me tell you, it’s incredibly tempting to try to stop the dominos from falling, especially when it’s clear they’re heading toward the deterioration of a relationship. But here’s the truth that hit me hard this past year:
The moment I expressed my vulnerability, explained how I was affected, and shared what I’d like to see moving forward, the relationship already started to change. It wasn’t my responsibility to keep it intact if the other person’s move was to not put in the effort. It was my responsibility to adjust accordingly.
Shedding the Guilt
This realization was freeing, but it also required me to shed a lot of guilt. I’ve seen myself—and so many others—get caught in this exact spot. You don’t want to make adjustments because you can see the potential domino effect: the distance, the resentment, the eventual deterioration of the relationship. And for people who deeply value connection, this is an incredibly hard pill to swallow. But here’s the reality:
You can’t save a relationship alone.
Your vulnerability isn’t the problem.
Their response shows you their capacity and priorities.
Adjusting accordingly isn’t about giving up. It’s about honoring what’s healthy for you. When someone shows you through their actions that they can’t or won’t meet your needs, it’s time to let go of the guilt and make the changes you need to protect your peace.
Tips for Adjusting Accordingly
If you’re in this place, here are some reminders and strategies to help you through:
Let grown people be grown: You can’t control someone else’s choices. They will do what they want to do—and that’s their right. Your role is to decide what you do next.
Recognize their move is a reflection on them, not you: If someone hears your vulnerability and chooses not to put in the effort, that’s a reflection of their priorities and limitations, not your worth.
Release the guilt: Adjusting accordingly doesn’t make you the bad guy. It makes you someone who values their emotional well-being.
Set boundaries: Clearly define what you will and won’t tolerate moving forward. This isn’t about punishing the other person; it’s about protecting yourself.
Seek support: Therapy can help you navigate these transitions. It provides a safe space to explore your feelings, process your decisions, and build confidence in your ability to adjust.
Remember the bigger picture: Adjusting accordingly isn’t just about this relationship. It’s about modeling healthy dynamics for yourself and others.
A Book Recommendation: Let Them Theory
If this lesson resonates with you, I highly recommend the book Let Them Theory on Audible. It’s a great resource that explores the concept of allowing others to be who they are, while empowering yourself to make the decisions that align with your values and needs.
Moving Forward
I’m excited to see how this lesson continues to shape my life in 2025 and beyond. By letting go of the need to control outcomes and embracing the freedom that comes with adjusting accordingly, I’m opening myself up to relationships that are mutual, healthy, and fulfilling.
If you’re struggling with a similar situation, I encourage you to reflect on this lesson and consider how it might apply to your life. Vulnerability is powerful, but it’s only the first step. What happens next isn’t just up to them—it’s up to you.

I'm rooting for you all the way. You know I got you!
-Juju The Therapist
This was beautiful and the tips are very helpful. I started listening to Let Them Theory today and I’m already hooked. Thank you for sharing. Looking forward to more of your blogs and gems you have to drop!